Attitude and Gratitude

Have you ever noticed how your attitude effects your level of gratitude?

You may not know this, but I'm one of those people who - put in the right situation - easily gets frustrated. It quickly escalates into mega-frustration and anger. Then it's a serious YIKES! situation. When in this mode, my bad attitude rolls right over into my interactions with my family - who generally isn't even part of the situation. Times when I'm normally super patient (reminding kids three times to brush their teeth) suddenly becomes a major shouting fest - all of the shouting coming from me while my kids scramble away. 

Do I want to be this mom? This wife? This friend?

No, I don't.

About eight years ago, after being in a long, frustrating situation, something finally clicked. I realized just how much my attitude effects my ability to be grateful for my family and the many, many blessings in my life.

Then the purge began. If it was optional, stressful, frustrating - it was eliminated. I resigned from committees that were more about who had a better idea, was right, and competition than it was about helping the organization we were supposed to be supporting. I let some relationships go because I realized the only joy the other person received in our friendship was pointing out all the things I didn't do well enough.

It was super difficult at first. Mostly because I felt guilty, like I was letting everyone else down. But it didn't take long before I realized the most important relationships (my family and with Heavenly Father) were growing stronger. The best bonus - I was so much happier! All those knots in my shoulders, the gut-wrenching twists and worrying that kept me up at night - all gone!

For the first time in a long time, I stopped, looked at my life, and was grateful for every little thing.

I've changed a lot since then. I'm definitely more "go with the flow" and a lot more patient. I'm certainly not perfect, but I'm not trying to be perfect. I just want more gratitude, happiness, and lots of laughter in my home.

Sometimes those frustrating situations pop up - ones that are specially designed traps for me to fall into. And occasionally I do. The difference is that after a day or two, I make myself stop, evaluate my feelings and how I'm treating my family - then force myself to let whatever is causing the frustration go. There are times when that's not an easy thing to do, but when I accomplish the 'letting go', life is better.

My life is infinitely better my attitude is one that allows me to be happy and grateful each day.

True Friends Are Always Together in Spirit

My all time favorite book and movie series is Anne of Green Gables. I have fallen in love with Anne, Gilbert and the inhabitants of PEI over and over and over throughout the years.

Recently, I saw a post on FB where someone talked about bosom buddies and what that means to her. And it made me think . . . what does it mean to me? Who are my bosom buddies?

Growing up, I had a few best friends. I wasn't the popular kid at school. I was the poor girl from a single parent home who knew she was different from the other kids. The one who was either really liked or was the bullies target for teasing. But still, there were a few really best friends. In early elementary school, it was Nicole. I was devastated when her family moved away in 3rd grade. Then there was Myranda and Ashley in the older elementary years through high school. In high school, Amy and Apryl joined our group. One by one, we all graduated and moved on. Some of us kept in touch, others have not. One ended in a heart-aching friendship break up.

In college, there were more friends, but one truly amazing friend. During the Mommy Years, I've made more friends - great friends who I adore. But I learned that a best friend isn't necessarily a bosom buddy.

True friends are always together in spirit. 

- Anne of Green Gables

So what makes a bosom buddy?

There is no one formula. Thinking of my bestest girlfriends, each is uniquely different and amazing in her own way. But for some reason, when we met and got to know each other, we just clicked. Like we had known each other forever. Even though our lives have taken different directions and we may not talk for months or years at a time, when we do, it's like we just saw each other yesterday. I know if one of these ladies called me and she was in need, I would drop everything, hop a flight if needed and be there to help. And I know she would do the same for me.

It's a very rare, special gift that, once found, you cherish forever. And if you lose it, you mourn the loss for a long, long time.

My bosom buddies are MY family. The family I chose, rather than the one I was born into. Don't get me wrong, I love my siblings (some more than others  :P  ), but my chickie chicks, they are the sisters who I trust with my secrets, who get the real me (and love me anyway), and we provide much needed sanity for each other. 

I'm curious. We all live such different lives, with different personalities. What does being a bosom buddy mean to you? How do you know if you've met one? Please share your stories and experiences!

How a Romance Author Tortures Her Children

I'm a writing, reading, watch-the-movie, romance breathing chick. And I think it's important for my children to explore the wonderfulness of sigh-worthy romance too.

Even if it's my autistic teenage son.

Cue the scene:

My son loves writing short movies. He plots out the scenes, writes the screenplay, practices the scene, then films it with our video camera. Today, he was practicing a scene he wrote for his Hero Factory team.

The scene: Preparing to leave on a long, adventurous journey.

Then Mom popped in.

Me: "So, who's the girl?"

Son: "Girl?"

Me: "There has to be a girl. You can't have a movie without a girl. It's not politically correct."

He sighed, then pointed to the white action figure (hereafter called White Chick) and said, "That one can be the girl."

I then picked up White Chick and nabbed the Red Guy too. 

White Chick: "Be careful, sweetie. Have a safe, but successful journey." 

Red Guy: "I'll do my best, dear. But how will I survive without you and your snuggles?" 

White Chick: "Just remember this, sweetheart." 

Cue in the kissy, smoochie, kissy, kissy stuff. 

My son freaked out. "No more kissy kissy scenes! You're ruining the movie!" 


I just smiled, gave myself a mental pat on the back and decided to share my triumph with my bloggy friends. 

What fun things do you do to torture your kids?  =)

The Truth About Parenthood

Last week, I was interviewed about parenthood by a friend for one of her college classes. The questions were thought provoking. I wanted to share them, as well as my answers. Please share your thoughts and answers to any of the questions in the comment section, too.


1. Given attacks from the world on marriage, families, gender, and the role of a father/mother, are there specific challenges for you in maintaining the role of a father/mother?

I think the biggest challenge is letting my kids, extended family and others around me realize that I love being a mother and that I believe it's one of the most important roles I will ever hold in my life. There are many who try to put other titles (work positions, etc) above that of being a parent - but in the long run, anyone can take your job and do it as good or better than you can. But no one can replace you, your personality, and the impact you can make on your children's lives. I wish more people understood that.


2. What are some of the most important contributions you believe you make to your family through your role as a father/mother?

 The biggest contribution I make is showing my kids I can be me (relaxed, fun, stressed out, whatever) and that they still love me. Just like I will always love them no matter what choices or challenges they face in their future. I hope my children realize that no matter what their individual personality or future journey brings, that they can be themselves and lead incredible, valuable lives.



3. From your perspective, what are some of the most difficult challenges or demands associated with being a father/mother?

The most difficult challenge I face right now is figuring out when to stand up for or help my children versus giving them the opportunity to figure something out and possibly stumble on the way. Letting them be independent is sometimes so hard!



4. What specific counsel from your church leaders to fathers/mothers do you find especially meaningful

 To find balance in life. Church leaders who emphasize reviewing your priorities, daily schedules, etc and seeing if they are in accordance to what you truly value is the best advice ever. Every few months I do a personal review and my husband & I do a review together twice a year.




5. Will you share a couple of things about your role as a father/mother you would want a young father or mother to understand?

 Parenthood is a journey. Each stage is unique, with different challenges and blessings. No matter if you're raising typical kids or kids with special needs, enjoy every step. When life gets overwhelming, take a deep breath and move forward inch by inch. Have a constant prayer in your heart for guidance. Most importantly, be each other's best support. Love each other, take care of each other, and laugh together often.



6. What are some meaningful ways you like to be supported by your spouse in your role as a father/mother?

I love it when my hubby takes care of dinner clean up and getting kids ready for bed so I can take a hot bubble bath. A 20 minute soak can be so rejuvenating! Another thing I love is that we have quiet time when the kids are sent to bed. This is when they are still settling down for the night (reading books, etc). During that time, my hubby and I will play board games, snuggle on the couch while we talk or read, or put on a comedy show while we fold laundry together. We take time each day to reconnect with each other. I love that so much.



7. What is one thing husbands and wives can do to support one another in their roles as fathers and mothers?

 First, talk to each other about your family's expectations, family rules, possible consequences for misdeeds, etc. Be on the same page. Then NEVER contradict the other parent in front of the kids. If dad says they lose TV time, Mom backs him up - and vice versa. If you have a problem with a consequence or the way something was handled, then talk about that in private so you can be on the same page in the future. If the kids see respect between mom & dad, then they show more respect as well.


8.  Relative to the role of a father/mother, what are a few important lessons you have learned?

Lesson #1 - Parenthood is not at all what I expected. So whatever you were thinking it would be, throw it out the window and go with the flow of reality! Lesson #2 - Being a mom is amazing and the absolute hardest, most emotional role ever. Prepare to survive by stocking up on chocolate, bubble bath, Advil, Kleenex, and an unlimited minutes cell phone plan. Lesson #3 - Each child is individual and unique, but each is a beautiful child of God. He loves them so much. Treat them with love, respect, and compassionate guidance.

Motherhood & Autism

A week ago, my middle school son with autism came down with a bad case of bronchitis. The poor guy sounded like he was hacking up half his lung - and was absolutely miserable. He stayed home from school all last week. Which means mom got the pleasure of home schooling him. And it actually was nice. There's so much I miss while he's at school all day - his questions about context he's learning, interesting comments in science and social studies. By the time he comes home and I ask how his day was, all I get is a "It was great!". I enjoyed actually being on the discovery and working hard side for a change.

It also happened that last week was a mega deadline week. I had to make a lot of decision about how to schedule my time between meeting my family's needs, checking off my work to-do list, and stay mentally together. It was quite a challenge, but somehow it all came together.

One item on my to-do list actually helped me to freak out a tad bit less. I agreed to review Motherhood Matters by Connie E. Sokol. You may remember Connie from her Autism Celebration post earlier this month. I've enjoyed her books in the past and have reviewed them here on my blog. This time, her book is a short Mother's Day gift book. The chapters are tiny, but the messages have a powerful impact. Each day, I would read just one chapter - which took less than five minutes. I found I had one of two responses.

1. "Amen! I've totally been there!" reaction, followed by a "It's so nice to have someone else admit to not being perfect, but who still enjoys being a mom."  OR
2.  I found myself thinking about the chapter's topic throughout the day, wondering how I used it in my life, what my motherhood style was like, and how I work with Heavenly Father to care for my munchkins.

Which means I spent a lot of time this past month thinking about motherhood and autism. In Motherhood Matters, I was reminded that there is no "perfect" way of mothering. Each of our families has a different make up. Some people have large families, others just one or two kids. Some families don't have any special needs, some have a mixture of typical kids and special needs kids, and I even know a few families that each of their munchkins fall somewhere on the Autism Spectrum. Each family is unique and awesome.

Connie reminded me that we each get to be the best mother for our own families AND we should never compare ourselves to the whoever we perceive as the perfect neighborhood mom. I absolutely know that I'm the mom my kids need - yet, I still fall victim to looking at my friends and their awesome mothering skills and think "Man, I wish I could be more like her." It's refreshing to have someone else remind me that my goofy family and our way of working together is perfect for us - and my style of motherhood is awesome for our family.

So, today, as I wrap up this month of Autism Awareness, I wanted to share that message with each of my readers. No matter what your family is like, YOU are the mom your munchkins need. You work hard every single day to find balance between the joyful, mundane, and stressful moments.  YOU are awesome. Take a deep, cleansing breath. And another one. Then repeat after me:

"I am a great mom!"

I want to end with a huge thank you to all the moms and dads who love their munchkins with autism so very much. Who celebrate their uniqueness, their talents and gifts, and their strengths. Who help their munchkins work on their challenges, help them take a step in the right direction . . . and never, ever give up. Each of you is an incredible blessing in your child's life. So, on behalf of your munchkins, I want to say thank you for your love and dedication to your families.

Happy Autism Awareness Month!

For more information about Motherhood Matters by Connie E. Sokol, please visit her website.

Thankful for Poison Control & 9-1-1

Yes, today I'm thankful for both Poison Control and 9-1-1. This thankfulness comes from two separate incidents over the past few days.

Saturday - Calling 9-1-1

My daughter MJ & I were getting everything together to go deliver Girl Scout cookies, when my daughter looked out the window and said, "Mom, there's a little girl sitting in the middle of the road."

"What?" I replied, pulling my coat out of the closet.

"It looks like the Smith's *(changed last name for confidentiality) little girl."

Quite honestly, at this point my thought was, if it's the Smith's girl, then the family must all be outside and they're going to nab her. I wasn't worried. We live on a very quiet cul-de-sac. So I told MJ to grab her coat and get ready to go deliver cookies. Just a few minutes later, we exited our house and started down the drive way. At the end of our cul-de-sac, I could see one of our neighbor's with is car parked in front of the stop sign, holding a little girl about 18 months - 2 years of age. He yelled to me, "Is this your little girl?"

Just then I realized the little girl MJ told me about was not my friend's little girl. MJ and I rushed over. The little girl had on long cotton pants and a long sleeved cotton shirt. Nothing else to keep her from freezing. Our neighbor pulled out some towels from his car to warm her feet, which were soaked and bright red from the cold. I sent MJ back to our house to get warm blankets for the little girl.

At the same time, I realized another family I knew from Girl Scouts was also pulled over on the side of the road. She came over to us. Between her & my neighbor, I found out the little girl walked out of our cul-de-sac and was standing in the middle of the busy road our little circle branches off from. Neither my neighbor nor I had ever seen this little girl before. I asked my friend from Girl Scouts if she had a cell phone. She gave it to me and I called 9-1-1, then asked her to go get my friend, Mrs. Smith* to see if she might recognize the little girl.

By this time, MJ returned with the blankets for the little girl and I was on the phone with dispatch. Not even a minute later, from the end of our cul-de-sac, we see a white van pull out of one of our neighbor's house and speed up to where we are all huddled around this little girl. Her grandfather stepped from the van, white-faced and worried. Apparently, when the mom had left for work, leaving the little girl with grandma & grandpa, she had not closed the garage door. The little girl opened the adjoining door and wandered out without the grandparents noticing. The situation was resolved and the little girl went home with a very grateful grandpa.

So, why am I thankful for 9-1-1? Have you ever had scary dreams when you can't do something you know you really need to do to be safe? For me, that's usually calling 9-1-1 on my cell phone. I push the numbers over and over and over again - but it either doesn't connect or the call goes to Utah (I kept my cell # from before I moved to the midwest) and the dispatcher can't help me or figure out where I am. I have these dreams often enough, that there's this part of me that's been terrified that a true emergency would happen and I wouldn't be able to get help because the emergency service on my cell wouldn't work. I was grateful to call, not only get a local dispatcher, but also someone who knew exactly the location I was talking about. There was no lag in line, no, "please hold while I connect you with a local dispatcher", just fast service.

Monday - Calling Poison Control

Ever since becoming a mom, we've had our fair share of calling Poison Control. I still remember our first phone call. Isaac, who was somewhere between 2 & 3 years old, climbed into my garden tub, and discovered my bowl filled with those cute bath oil beads. You know, the ones that come in all sorts of cute shapes. Well, he thought they were pretty cute too - and he must have thought they'd taste pretty good too cause he ate a few. That was my first introduction to Poison Control. Thank goodness my hubby was home cause I freaked out and didn't know what to do.  =)

Well, Monday night we had our first Poison Control call for our youngest - Anna. After dinner, I instigated "Family Hair Cut" night. I got both the boys done & was just finishing Anna's haircut when the Schwan's man arrived. So, I sat my stuff aside, put in my order, then got distracted helping the kids finish their baths and getting ready for bed. Then I sat down to read a book while I waited for John to finish a phone call so I could cut his hair too. Next thing I know, Anna is standing at the top of the stairs, rubbing her eyes and saying, "Mommy, my eye hurts!"

I went upstairs thinking she got hand soap in her eye again. She's always washing her hands and not getting all the soap off, then rubbing her eyes. But it didn't smell like hand soap. It didn't really smell like anything, but her eye was all red and getting puffy. I took her in the bathroom and tried wiping it with a washcloth & called for my hubby. He came in and checked it out. Anna was still complaining, but not screaming or crying, and her eye was still turning red. I stripped her down, put her in the tub, and started dumping water over her head to irrigate her eye, while John went to investigate. He discovered the mini oil container for the clippers had been all squeezed flat.

We called our Sprint 24 hour nurses line. They gave us some feedback and thought she'd be okay, but also told us to call poison control just in case. Which was a good thing because when we called them, they told us that even though the oil can stop burning, if the eye isn't flushed until the red goes away, it can cause a chemical pink eye and cause vision damage. So we flushed and flushed and flushed. Anna was not happy with us at all, but her eye did return to a normal white and all the puffiness disappeared - and today she's still doing just fine.


So, today I'm sending a HUGE thank you to all those awesome emergency people who answer the phones & respond to our phone calls. THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

The Climb

I love the song, The Climb, by Miley Cyrus. In fact, I think it's my favorite out of all her songs.



We each lead such different and unique lives.

Some of us are mothers overwhelmed by raising children with special needs. Some are sleep deprived from walking the floors with colicky babies. Others are single moms desperately trying to balance work and family, while dealing with the stress of trying to put food on the table and paying medical bills.

Or perhaps you're a husband caught between the downfalls of the economic recession, worrying about possibly losing your job . . . or stressing because it's been months with no job leads in sight.

A few of us are writers, putting words on paper and bringing characters to life, but wondering if anyone else will ever have the opportunity to discover and connect with our stories, our message.

Perhaps you're recovering from an addiction--drinking, drugs, gambling, or pornography. The list of addictions today goes on and on. The road to recovery is long, complicated, and filled with many temptations.

Some of us are survivors of abuse still dealing with after-effects of fear, poor self-esteem, and anxiety; trying to pull ourselves out of the nightmare our lives once were and plant ourselves back onto a solid foundation.

Each one of us experiences the refiner's fire. We each have different struggles and trials. But we also have moments of incredible joy, happiness, and gratitude. Life is full of low valleys that humble us as we dig in, scramble, and continue climbing . . . climbing . . . and climbing until we finally reach the glorious mountain peak and find satisfaction and contentment.

And it's not just one climb. Instead life is a series of climbs - sometimes one right after another, and other times it seems like we're acrobats trying to find our way through multiple paths at once.

But here's the key - keep your dream in front of you. Keep moving. When everything seems hopeless, count all the incredible blessings you DO have, then dig in and keep climbing. And you will find that you are stronger than you imagined.

Have faith, my friends. I want to see you all on the mountain peak next to me.

Is It Really Thursday?

Wow! I can't believe it's Thursday already. This week has seriously just been flying by!

After weeks of revisions and re-writing, my co-author and I turned in our revised Teaching Special Spirits manuscript Monday morning. Now we're just waiting for the final verdict from our publisher. Keep your fingers crossed everyone! Hopefully very soon I'll have some news to share.

Now that I'm not tied to my desk forcing my bleeding fingers to keep typing away, I've taken a few deep breaths and looked around my house. Three weeks is a long time for Mom to be on hiatus. I'm still reeling from everything needs caught up on! House work never ends . . . but it most certainly gets worse very, very quickly. So that's what I've been doing this week, cleaning, catching up on kids' homework and projects, co-ordinating the family calendar, and putting life back into order. I'm looking forward to catching up on everyone's blogs, too. It seems like forever since I had time to really go out and enjoy all my friends' blogs.

As for my writing, well - I don't get to take too much of a break in that area either. Right now I'm trying to transition my head from non-fiction mode, back to fiction mode so I can continue working on Rebound. I've been reviewing my outline and notes. I'm so very excited to get back to Rachel and Graydon's story. I'm hoping to have it finished and ready to send out for editing in January. Yeah!

That's about it on my end. I sincerely hope you're all doing well and enjoying fall. And if you have a blog, be on the look out for my visit! Happy Thursday everyone!

A Clean Sweep - Catching up!

Last Friday, my hubby took the day off work to celebrate our anniversary. Want to know what we did? We cleaned out our basement. Seriously. And I was the one who suggested it!

We had so many boxes just waiting to be unpacked from our move 2 1/2 years ago. I really wanted to be able to do the laundry and not feel claustrophobic. I was also concerned that if there ever actually WAS a tornado and everyone was in the basement, that we'd have tons of stuff flying everywhere!

I was amazed at how much stuff we went through! Some of it was set aside for a garage sale in a few weeks, some of it was put away in the house, and a whole huge pile of it went into the trash. I found a few things I had been hunting for - like my family genealogy cards and my kids birth certificates. All good things to locate!

As a result of our efforts, we came across the toddler bed my hubby's grandfather made for our kids - which led to a conversation about if Anna was ready to leave her crib. The real question was if Mom & Dad were ready to chase Anna for nap and bed time! As you can see, we decided to try out the big girl bed . . . and Anna was thrilled!

The pillows are for accidental tumbles!

Anna . . . late that night. It's a good thing we put the pillows there!

Saturday morning, John & Isaac went to the Sprint Campus run. Here they are with the "running rabbit"! John ran along-side Isaac in the kids 1K race.

On your marks . . . Get set . . . Go!Isaac took 2nd place in the Kids 1K run! Yeah Isaac!

Now for some more fun . . .

I've been nominated for some really fun blogging awards!

Thank you to Shauna for giving me The Uplifting Blogger Award. This is an award I truly appreciate. While I enjoy doing fun stuff like contests, etc on my blog, I truly hope it's inspiring to all the other writing moms and moms raising kids with special needs . . . Thank you so much!

Two bloggers have awarded me with the Kreativ Blogger award. Thank you Heather & Nichole!

Now, there's more to the Kreativ Blogger award. Here we go . . .

Seven things about me (is there anything you don't already know???)

1. I absolutely LOVE my freckles!

2. I was once asked to describe myself without saying anything about my physical features. My response was - I'm the girl from your favorite chick flick. Not the gorgeous main character, but the quirky best friend.

3. My response to #2 gave me a whole new book idea! Coming soon!

4. I was a major flirt in college. Anyone surprised?

5. I love girly stuff - pink stuff, shoes, purses, etc.

6. I am a shopaholic. Totally true. (Thank goodness my hubby is a penny-pincher. I need some balance in life!)

7. We've been paying off our debt for the last year and have made a ton of progress. But when I paid off my Old Navy card . . . and canceled it, I actually cried. I couldn't even cut up the card. I had to give it to my hubby to do the honors. It still makes me teary.


Seven people I nominate for this award:

1. Shauna @ Trying to Stay Calm- it amazes me all the awesome stuff she gets for her contests!

2. Amy @ What a Kick in the Pants - Amy's knack for everything homemaking related has left me in awe since our college days.

3. Joni @ Modern Myrtle - Joni makes custom bags and scripture totes for me. Personally, I can only sew square blocks together. Joni's talent is truly incredible!

4. Heather @ Just a Little Minute - Now Heather just cracks me up! I love her humor and perspective on enjoying motherhood.

5. Kris @ Meet My Camera - You want creativity? Go check out Kris' photography. She always has the most gorgeous pictures! I don't know any of the people in her pics, but I just fall in love with them anyway. I would love to have her do our family pics the next time she's out in KC.

6. Stephanie @ She Does Hair - Stephanie has stopped posting new hair-do's, but has left her blog up as a reference. I love searching her archives. She has such fun kid hair-styles!

7. Cheryl @ KC Temple Chaser - I love that Cheryl used her creative talent to journal all the happenings for the upcoming Kansas City Temple. She also posts inspirational thoughts and events at other temples around the world.


So there you go, my friends. I hope you feel a bit caught up - and that you've discovered some awesome new blogs! Have a wonderful day!!!

The Spirit of America

Today is not just a date on the calendar - the 4th of July. It's not just a day for BBQ's, family fun, and fireworks.

It's our Independence Day, and I absolutely LOVE it!

And no, I don't love it because of all the reasons I stated above - although I totally enjoy having BBQ's with my friends, playing with my kids, and seeing the fireworks - but there's so much more to this day for me.

After living for a year in France as an exchange student, I learned at an early age that even though we think of other countries as modern and just like ours, they truly are not. I lived in France the year Jacques Chirac was elected president. I arrived in August 1995, just three months after his term as president began. During the whole entire year I was in France, almost every imaginable group went on strike or protest to get the new president's attention and lobby for funds. The Post Office, teachers, students, sanitation workers, bakers, colleges, transportation companies . . . the list goes on and on. They all each held their strikes and protests at different times. Even the train lines held specials for people to purchase tickets at a discounted price so they could attend the different protests around the counntry.

I still remember arriving at school one morning to discover that all the students had gathered and were heading to the train station to attend a protest at the college in La Rochelle. Another day, I arrived at school and there were no teachers to lead the classes because they all went to a rally in Bordeaux. Most of the year I was there, the post office was on strike. Yes, they would start up again here and there, but I'd say at least 60% of the time I was there, the mail wasn't moving. My family sent my Christmas package at the beginning of October, but I didn't receive it until the beginning of May - just as I was packing things up to send home!

Aside from political differences, I discovered their education system was totally different. Children start attending school at the age of three and must start learning english, reading, and math. From there, school becomes more and more demanding. I attended classes with 14 & 15 year olds. During that year of high school, they had to decide what area of education they wanted to pursue (languages, literature, mathamatics, sciences, or arts), then stick with it for the remainder of their high school education. But it didn't end with high school. If they were selected to attend college, they also had to study in that same line of education during their college years as well. So at the age of fourteen, my friends were stressed out, trying to determine what they wanted to do for the rest of their lives. One of the students in our class felt so much pressure and stress, he committed suicide. While it was completely shocking for me, it wasn't unusual for each school to see a few suicides a year because of the pressure of making choices.

Going to college is quite different in France as well. High school students between the ages of 18-21 (yes, I said 21), take a final exam called Le Baccalauréat (or Le Bac). At the end of their senior year, each student takes a Le Bac exam specifically designed for their course of study. If they pass, they may then attend college. If they don't, they can either leave high school and never attend college, or they can take their senior year over again (the complete year) and retake the Bac at the end of that year. Students have until they turn 21 years old to continue repeating their senior year and try to pass Le Bac. For the students who do pass Le Bac, there's a whole formula that dictates where they get to attend college. The criteria are based on 1) their age when they passed Le Bac, 2) how many times they took the exam, and 3) their score. Obviously, students who passed with excellent grades the first time get to attend the university with the best program. There are only a few select colleges in France. Like the U.S., they each have their strong programs and mediocre programs. It's very easy to know how someone scored on their Bac just by asking them what they studied and where they attended college.

Now, let's say one of these students is burned out from school by the time the pass Le Bac and just want to take a semester break from school . . . In France, this isn't possible. You either go to college right away, or you don't go at all. One of the reasons for this is the mandatory military service. Each French male must serve in the military for two years. If a student chooses to attend college, then his service is pushed back until after graduation. Many students who don't pass Le Bac, choose to make the military their full-time career.

As a 17/18 year old in a foreign country surrounded by all this drama and stress my friends were dealing with, I became extremely grateful for my homeland, my country. And I have never forgotten it. I may not agree with our current president, but I have the opportunity to let my voice be heard without disrupting the whole country. I may not know what I want my major to be in college, but I have the opportunity to change my mind as many times as I want and attend classes at any age. I have great respect for our military forces and for my family who serves here and abroad, but I'm glad military service isn't mandatory in the U.S. It's a choice.

And that's basically what I love about the United States of America. As citizens, we have a choice. We can live, learn, work, play, and raise our families how we choose. We have a unique freedom here that isn't found anywhere else in the world. We should cherish this gift not only on Independence Day, but each and every day of our lives.

This morning, I read an article about youth in Utah serving their neighbors. It reminded me of the spirit of America and part of what makes our great country so amazing. Here's a link to the article: http://www.ldschurchnews.com/articles/57547/Extreme-Makeover-hits-Payson-streets.html

I hope each of you enjoys this wonderful holiday. Happy Independence Day!

For Chosen Mothers

A friend from my LDS Autism Yahoo group sent this to me. I absolutely loved it and had to share. I don't know who originally wrote it, but whoever you are . . . Thank you!


For Chosen Mothers

Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressures, and a couple by habit. This year, nearly 100,000 women will become mothers of a child with special needs. Did you ever wonder how mothers like this are chosen?

Somehow I visualize God hovering over earth selecting His instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As he observes, He instructs His angels to make notes in a giant ledger.

"Armstrong, Beth, son. Patron saint, Matthew. Forrest, Marjorie, daughter. Patron saint, Cecelia. Rudledge, Carrie, twins. Patron saint... give her Jude. He's used to profanity."

Finally, He passes a name to an angel and smiles, "Give her a child with special needs."

The angel curious. "Why this one, God? She's so happy." "Exactly", smiles God. "Could I give a child with special needs a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel."

"But has she patience?" asked the angel. "I don't want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a seal of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wears off, she'll handle it.

"I watched her today. She has that feeling of self and independence that is so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give her has his own world She has to make him live in her world and that is not going to be easy."

"This one is perfect. She has just enough selfishness."

The angels gasps, "Selfishness? Is that a virtue?"

God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she'll never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn't realize it yet, but she's to be envied. She will never take for granted a 'spoken word'. She will never consider a 'step' ordinary. When her child says "Mama' for the first time she will be present at a miracle and know it! When she describes a tree or sunset to her child, she will see it as few people ever see my creations.

"I will permit her to see clearly the things I see... ignorance, cruelty, prejudice... and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side.

"And what about her patron saint?" asks the angel, her pen poised in mid-air.

God smiles. "A mirror will suffice."

Autism and Law Enforcement

One of the scariest experiences I've ever had with my son was during a play date at the park. I was with another friend, who has two sons with autism. My kids and hers were having a ball playing, when another boy approached them and asked to play with them as well. I had seen his mom, who was there on a play date with another family, and knew she was helping her kids on the swings. I'm one of those moms who pays attention to who's kid belongs to who when I'm at the park and am very aware of our surroundings in case our son decides to run away.

The kids played together for about twenty minutes, when my son asked if he could ride the little boy's trike. The boy said yes and that all the kids could take turns. My son happened to be the first, and rode the trike down the sidewalk and into the tennis court where he turned around. The kids ran behind him, yelling and laughing, while my friend and I walked behind them. I remember seeing the other kids' mom stalk into the tennis court. From the way she was carrying herself, I could tell she was upset about something. I quickened my pace, then began to run as I saw her yell at my son, grab his arm and start yanking him off the bike. She kept pulling him against the handlebars while he screamed and cried until he came free of the bike, then held him suspended in the air for a few minutes, and dropped him onto the court where he landed on his knees and rolled away. All of my children were bawling and came running to me, clinging to my legs.

Then the mother came screaming at me about how I'm such a bad mother and that I needed to keep better track of my kids. How they had no right to be on her son's bike, etc. I remember I just wanted to rip this woman's face off. I wanted to punch her until she couldn't ever speak again. How DARE she touch my son! I remember repeating over and over, "You don't ever touch someone else's child." while she continued to tell me I was a horrible mother. I told her my son had autism and I was shocked when she said, "Well congratulations, my son does too."

I turned away and took my kids to the picnic table. There were already bruises forming across my son's chest from where she yanked him against the trike's bars, as well as bruises on his arm from where she had grabbed him. I put my kids into my van and called my husband who worked two blocks away from the park. He left a meeting to come meet us. Along the way, there was an officer on the side of the road. My husband approached him and told him our son had just been assaulted at the park. The officer accompanied my husband to the park.

The woman became so upset, yelling and screaming at the officer, he had to call back-ups and they threatened to call DCFS if she didn't calm down. She was charged with child abuse and a few other things. This is just the beginning of a long, disappointing battle.

Our lawyers talked. She wanted a lesser charge because she wanted to adopt more children. We found out she really does have a son with autism. I couldn't imagine how she treated her family based on her conduct that day. Do you know what we asked for? We asked that she take anger management and parenting classes. The best thing I could think of was counseling to deal with situations better - especially since raising a child with special needs is extremely stressful.

The results? The judge gave her a smack on the wrist (she did get a lesser charge of child abuse because we wouldn't budge on it) and said we were holding up the courts over a misunderstanding during a play date. I still have very upset feelings about the results.

I walked away from this incident with a whole new set of fears.

What if one day my son wanders off? What if a police officer interprets his behavior as aggressive and unco-operative? What if someone thinks it's a domestic violence situation during one of his melt-downs, especially with him getting older and bigger? What if, one day, I can't protect him and help others understand him anymore?

I am truly afraid of how others misinterpret my son. I see all this progress he's made and I see the joy and love he has inside. But I also see the difficulties he has in certain situations and how upset he can become.

My friend, Teri, sent me a link to this video from Utah's KSL news station. I'm not sure if the video below will work or not. If it doesn't, click on the video link and it will take you to the KSL website.

Video Courtesy of KSL.com

In the news clip, they talk about Sahara Cares and their new DVD teaching law enforcement officers how to recognize signs of autism in children, teens, and adults, as well as how to communicate and help them in a variety of situations. It was difficult for me to watch because it brought all those fears to the surface, but it's actually a very informative video. You can watch it for free on their website. It's available for purchase for just $5, basically the cost of supplies and shipping. You can watch the DVD here.

Message From Under the Blankets

You ever have one of those days when all you want to do is crawl back into bed and stay there for about a week? That's me today.

I didn't realize how much the stress from Isaac's surgery took out of me. Then, even with the relief of having the surgery go FABULOUSLY, helping him during recovery took extra energy. Especially when his energy was "sky rocket high" and he wanted to run, jump, and play like the surgery never happened. Holy guacamole - trying to get him to rest and be calm was the most exhausting thing ever.

Tuesday he got the all clear from the surgeon so he could return to school - no physical restrictions, he was good to go. And let me tell you, he was one very happy boy! Wednesday he went back to school and has been thrilled to be with his friends. He's even been happy to do school work.

Sounds like everything should be happy and on the up-swing, right?

Unfortunately, poor Anna's double ear infections flared back up Wednesday. She was put on a new set of antibiotics. But Wednesday night, her fever spiked and she was one cranky girl. We were up until 4:30 AM and even after that she was up about every half hour or so.

Of course, there's no rest for weary moms. So I got up Thursday and did everything that needed done. That evening I was ready to drop into bed. But I forgot about a board meeting and was up until 10:30 PM on a conference call - which believe me is totally fine. I'm not complaining about that at all. A little after 11, I finally tumbled into bed . . . Blessed sleep. Only the "sleep" part was interrupted by a fussy Anna and then Rob fell out of bed and onto his Legos he refused to clean up that evening. (Sidenote: Dad sleeps through it all. That man would probably sleep through the tornado sirens, too!)

Conclusion: Today, I am one tired chick. Emphasis on tired.

But it's still been a good day. Anna took a nap and I had my girlfriends over for a little surprise birthday lunch for Amy. And yes, Amy was surprised. It was fun to sit around and chat while the kids played. I love spending time with Laura, Amy, and Hillary. They are such awesome women and fun, sassy girlfriends.

Now the kids are back from school and planning games for a family fun fair. A great way to kick off the weekend, don't you think?

And while I plan to have fun, I'm also watching the clock for those magic numbers to roll around . . . 7:30 PM. Kiddy bedtime. I think tonight, Mama's gonna join them. I can't wait to climb into bed and snuggle deep under the blankets . . . and hopefully not emerge until late Saturday morning!

Lovin's from Da Sista

My daughter's Activity Days leaders, Sara, emailed me with a totally cute story from when the girls came to "heart" our house. I absolutely loved it and wanted to share.

From Sara:

Hi Danyelle, I just got caught up on your blog. I'm glad everything went well. It is so nice to know that there is a great children's hospital here in KC. I hope Isaac is still recovering quickly and doing well. I have to tell you that MJ was so funny when we hearted your house. I told everyone when we were making the hearts that it was going to be a surprise as to whose house we were going to but that is was someone who needed a little extra love. When we got closer to your house I hear MJ say, "Hey, this is by my house." Then as I pulled into your cul-de-sac I hear MJ get a little more excited and say, "Hey! This is my street. Hey guys, the person lives on my street!" Then when we pulled into your driveway MJ just couldn't contain it any longer. It was so funny. I told the girls we were going to heart MJ's house and then I asked them why and MJ said, "Because of Isaac...I miss him." How cute is that? She is a sweet girl.

Ah, the tears are threatening to flow. Thank you so much for sharing this sweet story, Sara. I hope everyone enjoys a little sisterly love today.

I Wish I May, I Wish I Might . . .

Friday night, my little guy Rob wished upon a star.

His wish?

"To learn to read so I can read all the different sorts of books in the house."

He just melts my heart! I guess it's time to get out our primary reader books!

The Mom Song

I know I've posted this before, but it's still my FAVORITE!!! It makes me feel so good to be a mom . . . hee hee!

Lovin's Land

Sunday morning, our kids came bounding into our room and jumped up onto our bed. This is pretty typical for a Sunday morning. We have church later in the afternoon this year, so usually my hubby and I can hear the kids playing together while we enjoy the fact that we don't have to be out of bed by 7 am for a change.

Well, this particular morning, the kids had decided to rename our rooms. Our oldest son's room was named Lego Land. Very appropriate as he has tons and tons of Legos. Our oldest daughter's room became Ballet Land. Again, very suiting as she loves anything to do with dance. Our youngest son and daughter share a room next to ours, and it was renamed to Coloring Book Land. The kids even pulled all their coloring books off the shelves, grabbed all their coloring containers, and put them in Coloring Land.

As for Mom and Dad's room, we got a new name, too. Again, one that's very appropriate. We're now Lovin's Land. This is fun because we often ask our kids for "Lovin's" which means it's hugs and snuggles time. I was so happy to be associated with hugs, rather than something like "No Land" or "Go to Your Room Land".

Hugs are good. Yes indeed.

Rest for the Weary

This past week has been long, difficult, and sleep-deprived. My two younger children both had the croup. My youngest little girl's croup finally went away, only to be replaced by a runny nose. Yuck!

The poor girl has been so tired! Yesterday, my hubby put her down for her afternoon nap about 2:30 pm. When we left for the adult evening of Stake conference at church, she was still sleeping. The babysitter said she woke up around 6:30, but fell back to sleep before she could even make her some dinner! So she put her back into her crib . . . where my little girl slept straight through until 7:30 this morning!

Now, it's only 10:30 am, and she came up to me and said, "Nap, nap." Off we went into her room, where she curled right up into her pillow, popped her binky into her mouth, and closed her little eyes. Her poor little body is just so very tired. I hope the rest gives her body what it needs to recover and get rid of this nasty cold.

Now, if only we could pass some of that nap time over to Mom and Dad . . .

Some Days You Just Need Chocolate

See this girl having a raging temper tantrum? Well, cut off the pig-tails and replace the dress with jeans and a t-shirt and you have a perfect picture of my four-year-old son about fifteen minutes ago.

It all started with the Nintendo DS game, Lego Star Wars. I gave him the choice to play on the DS or downstairs while I cleaned the kids' bathroom. He chose the DS. And he played quite happily until the very end of my cleaning - at which time he came in crying and being very loud. I asked him to quiet down because his baby sister was sleeping and we were right down the hall from her room. He kept saying, "I can't turn left! I want to turn left, and I can't!"

I tried to explain that when you can't turn a certain direction, it means you need to go another way. But no. He proceeded to cry and cry and cry. I tried to help, really I did. Finally, I told him that he could either stop crying and play for a few more minutes or he could be finished right then. And he kept crying. So we said "Good-bye" to the DS and I sent him downstairs to play.

Oh. My. Goodness.

The screams and the wailing coming from the playroom were awful! He kept repeating, "I want the Nintendo!" over and over. I put away my cleaning supplies, went down to the playroom, then put my little guy down for a nap in his sister's room. He cried all the way, climbed into the bed, and was still crying when I closed the door.

Do you ever had those moments when you feel like you can't do anything right as Mom? Then instantly feel drained? That's how I felt. At moments like this, chocolate is the one thing I just crave like crazy. Of course, did I shop for chocolate when I went to the store? Nope. I definitely need to re-stock my chocolate stash. Although, I did find a few mini-chocolate bars and I have some yummy chocolate marshmallow ice cream in the freezer. That should tide me over.

And as I finish this post, I hear nothing but blissful peace from downstairs. I truly hope my son is taking a much needed nap!

MJ for President & Mr. Cranky Comes for a Visit

MJ for President!

Last night, I received an email from MJ's teacher, Miss Sharp. She asked me if MJ told me about her role in their class government. I'm glad she emailed, because MJ hadn't said anything about it. So I asked her this morning.

"MJ, Miss Sharp emailed me last night and said you did a government activity yesterday in your class-"

I didn't even get to finish before MJ interrupted me, totally excited . . .

"Yeah! I was elected as president! Cole was my Vice-President!"

"Wow," I said. "That's really cool! What did you do?"

"I got to make laws and lead the class and work with the legislature." I was super impressed my second grader knew a big word like legislature. Then she surprised me again.

"Yeah, but we only had seven people in our judibal branch cause there were only eleven of us in class yesterday."

"Um, you mean Judicial?" I asked.

She rolled her eyes, "Yep, that's what I meant."

"That's cool that you know about the legislature and judicial branches. Did you know there's third branch?"

"Yeah, Mom. The executive branch. That was me and Cole. I already said that!" And then she huffed off to go brush her teeth before going to school.

So, my second grader knows really big words that I didn't learn until 8th grade in Government class. How totally cool is that? Maybe now MJ will add president to her list of things she wants to be when she grows up. She already wants to be a dance teacher and a computer programmer. And hey, if a hocky mom can be a VP hopeful, why not a dance teacher for President? She'd definitely have my vote!

BTW - MJ was chosen to be one of two kids to represent her class on her school Student Council. Yeah, MJ!


Mr. Cranky Comes for a Visit

I thought I'd share another funny story. Yesterday afternoon, Mr.Cranky had taken over Rob. So I sent him to his room for a nap at 4 pm. Of course, he stomped and pouted and whined all the way to bed. Then he climbed in, pulled the covers up to his chin, and was out within five minutes.

Normally when he takes an afternoon nap, he wakes up between 6 or 6:30. But last night, he slept through dinner.

I figured he'd be awake by 8 pm. Nope, slept through that too.

Then I started to wonder . . . is he going to wake up at midnight, then want to play all night? Nope, he slept through that, too.

He finally came into my room and climbed into bed with me at 6:30 this morning. Yep, you read that right. 6:30 am. He must have been one very, very tired little boy. But it looks like Mr. Cranky has finished his visit, and returned back to Crankyville, leaving the Ferguson home in peace . . . for the time being!