Monday, October 20, 2014

Surviving a Broken Heart

Broken hearts come in so many different ways. Hurtful words. Lies. Betrayal. Physical pain. Being left behind.

Each can rip at you. Tearing away pieces of yourself. Your love. Your self-esteem. Little bit by little bit until all that remains is a lump of a person you don't recognize.

Not every broken heart goes to that extreme, but they are almost always accompanied by tears and suffering.

Eventually the pain lessens and becomes easier to bear, but each time, a sadness has remained with me.

Watching a friend go. A relationship change. Saying final goodbyes to a loved one.  Helpless as a dear one suffers. Pain and anger from gossip, lies, and consequences from choices.

Regrets.

Yesterday at church, we talked about loving one another. Serving each other. There was a beautiful quote read about how we should have a perfect love for each other. Never judging another. Always forgiving. It sounds so nice - but oh so unrealistic.

Or maybe I'm just too imperfect.

But I'm apparently not alone. A handful of ladies shared some perspective and thoughts about the quote read. One reminded us that while the gospel is perfect, the members of the church are merely humans, who make mistakes that may hurt others. Another shared how things someone says or does may not be related directly to you. Consider that there may be other things happening in their lives, frustration that has built up and unfortunately was released onto you with sarcasm, harsh words, or actions.

While I had heard these things before, today they came with comfort and consoled my heart.

A little piece was ripped away recently. I've been in tears, praying to find peace, forgiveness and how to handle the situation.  How to let it go. How incredibly difficult that is. But today, the ladies who shared their insights, words I've heard before, sunk in and glued back together some of my heart. Yes, I still hurt and am sad, but have found a tiny bit of comfort and am holding onto it, grasping it with white-knuckled fists.

Because while it hurts, knowing relationships will never be the same, trust that will be slow to be rebuilt - if it is ever rebuilt - I will move forward. I will be kind, respectful, but I will also guard my heart from being hurt by the same person again.

It will require a little spiritual CPR, but I will survive this broken heart.

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